Here I dare to share my unashamed and uncensored opinions with you about what it means being masculine if you are a gay male. Be sure that you first read my profile about what it is like for me to be gay because my viewpoints start with the acceptance that I am homosexual rather than heterosexual.

Since I am a self-described openly gay male, and, since I perceive of myself as being masculine versus feminine, I feel that I certainly am qualified to explain to you how I perceive of gay male masculinity and why and what any of this means to you and to others.

A Creative and Professional Context

I cannot separate being a masculine gay male from being an illustrator of highly masculine images. While I do not “think” about creating illustrations of highly masculine males all day and all night, I am constantly aware during my awakened state of mind that I am someone who creates illustrations of highly masculine males. Because of this artistic or visual craft that I am involved in, I find that my day-to-day mind set is that of seeing men in the real world around me and making assessments or judgments about whether I find them attractive in the visual sense. I see all males around me as potential inspiration for some future illustration of a highly masculine male that I may create. It’s really that simple and uncomplicated.

Dramatic Tension and Storytelling

However, it does become a little more complicated (I think interestingly so) that I am an illustrator and storyteller who chooses to produce depictions in text and images that include themes of masculine men in peril.

My depictions of masculine vulnerable men in peril have a high level of dramatic tension and energy. I receive emails from guys who write about how stunned they are to be moved emotionally (or sexually) by my works. To me, depicting love expressed between one man and another man in images or stories is not sufficiently dramatic in the storytelling sense.

Affectionate, caring and respectful relationships between two men are comforting and bring joy to both men. I feel exactly the same way about depictions of relationships between a man and woman.

I was formally educated in the art and craft of storytelling, photography, news reporting, etc. when I worked towards earning my undergraduate degree in journalism. In the professional context, I learned that telling a story is an essential ingredient if one wants to connect with an audience.

Stories that are told about affection, caring and respectful love may make the audience feel warm and fuzzy. If all the stories told in this world were all or mostly happy love stories, the stories would blend together for their predictability and sameness.

In contrast, stories about breaking up or suffering the loss of a love contain far more dramatic energy for the audience.

The man-meets-man-and-falls-in-love-and-then-they-live-happily-ever-after story is not for me as a steady diet. Such storytelling (in text or visual form) emphasizes the powerful but false belief that life turns out happily and positive for everyone. There are, of course, moments of happiness and positivity. But, I need dramatic tension as a catalyst for my works because I find optimistic and upbeat depictions lack sufficient energy to carry a story from beginning to end (in text or visual form).

Influences Upon Me

I am following traditions established by others (some are dead and some are living) whose works inform my works in illustrations and storytelling. When I look at the works of Dom “Etienne” Orejudos, Tom of Finland, Sadao Hasegawa, Gengoroh Tagame, The Hun, Greasetank, Ulf, and Bondageskin, I readily find that they have incorporated a high dramatic tension. I have been greatly influenced by them as I explain on other pages at this website, and I don’t see how any of those men would have connected with their audiences as they did had they chosen to depict warm and fuzzy scenes between men.

Desouza’s Sliding Scale

You gotta have a decent sliding scale to “get” my perspective on gay male masculinity, so here goes: On one side of my sliding scale is femininity and behaving womanly or womanish. On the opposite side is masculinity and behaving manly or mannish.

You may want or need some examples to help clarify the extremes of my sliding scale, so let me offer some examples that are available from the world of cinema (and you can rent these on DVD). The 1978 film La Cage aux Folles (in French) and the Americanized version in English, 1996′s The Birdcage, are two films that will explain everything to you quite vividly and with much humor.

On the feminine side of the scale (in the two films and in real life) one can find gay males who choose to behave in an overt, demonstrative yet passive manner using soft, higher pitched voices with the occasional lisp or sibilance (hissing sounds when using the English letter “S”) or other exaggeration of consonants and vowels. That side of the scale features behaviors that rely upon sweeping arm gestures, limp wrists and touching one’s own face to draw attention to emotions and emotional intensity.

On the masculine side of the scale (in the two films and in real life) one can find gay males who choose to behave in comparatively more aggressive ways than the other side of the sliding scale, particularly in ways that emphasize strength, muscles and dominance. That side of the scale features the choice of using gruff voices in a lower pitch with no lisping and no sibilance. Instead of touching one’s own face, the touching usually is to one’s own crotch or chest or forearms to draw attention to physique and physical strength.

Using this sliding scale, I think that it is very easy to place every gay male that you happen to meet at one point or another between the extreme feminine side and the extreme masculine side. While some of you may consider this cultural stereotyping (a “good” or “bad” thing, depending on whether you are being stereotyped), at least this sliding scale offers you a way to pinpoint gay male behaviors and outward appearances.

Personal Preferences

As you already know, my own preferences are for the masculine side of the sliding scale for how I am and how I behave and what turns me on as a gay male. But, you own tastes may be different from mine.

After many years of observation, I have come to believe that a gay or straight man can choose how he behaves in terms of his outward appearances–the high or low pitch of his voice, the submissive or dominant physicality, the clothing that emphasizes his body, the self-touching that emphasizes emotional intensity or physical intensity, and, whether he elongates vowels and favors the hissing sound of the English letter “S”.

The question as to why some gay men choose the feminine rather than the masculine side is open for a lot of discussion.

I invite you to comment below right here on my blog about these issues.

You can choose to use the sliding scale to begin to understand gay mens’ outward appearances and discuss these traits with others. There are, of course, many points along the axis of this scale from one side of the other: I have seen drag performers (men who dress and behave in a show as if they are women) who are not necessarily homosexual; but, they use makeup, wigs and womens’ clothing as part of their act to entertain audiences. I have also seen gay males who are not drag performers, but who where facial makeup (eye lashes and eye liner and lip color) along with fingernail and toenail coloring like women do. I have also seen gay males who look muscular and athletic and based upon all outward appearances, they could be drafted this week into the National Football League.

As a gay man, whatever type of man you find emotionally and/or sexually attractive is an individual trait that I believe is not subject to our willful choice. I believe that being gay brings with it many turn-ons and turn-offs that we must eventually admit if we are honest with ourselves.

The way psychology and sexuality work together in us humans, I really don’t see how any of us can make willful changes to what turns us on or what turns us off. We can try new or different things on a short-term basis, of course, We also may learn to tolerate things that we don’t like too much–like finishing our broccoli because we know that green vegetables help bolster our nutritional health.

But, if we truly are turned off by the taste of broccoli, well, there’s probably little that we can do except smother the dreaded green vegetables with a lot of cheese and just keep eating them. Let me know how you feel about this issue and my opinions by replying below with your comments, or, click on the contact link to send me an email message. Thank you.

One Response to “Being Masculine”

1. woofydude says:

   January 14, 2010 at 11:14 am

   Yes, there truly is a sliding scale of masculinity and gay men, can adjust that scale to their comfort level and acceptance.

   Foremost, you have to both accept and cultivate your inner masculinity. Having done so, then your other masculinity develops through attitude, posture and physique.

   I think gay men are most important and diverse creatures on the face of the earth. We share such important qualities.

   I believe in buddy bonding and giving Mega hairy muscle hugs, as my signature mating call, if you will. It seems to work for me.

   Again, thanks so very much for expressing your beliefs in your art. You are the MASTER